Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
