i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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