But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
