& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
