bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize