He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
