I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize