so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
3pm strippers are depressing
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
