i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
