Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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