what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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