im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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