Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
