Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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