you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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