Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
