My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
