my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
where are my eyebrows?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
