Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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