dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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