What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize