We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
