Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
