I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
