apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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