Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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