I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
