Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
