he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
