So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
