Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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