i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
