And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
