you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This baby is an asshole
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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