So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
