Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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