Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
