I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
