sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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