I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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