You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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