Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
