he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
