you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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