do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
