I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
