Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
