I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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