You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
