the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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