i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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