I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
