I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
