What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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