my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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