you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
honey bunches of taint.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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