she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
