I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
