I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
