Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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