Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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