We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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