Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
