So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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