he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't deserve a penis
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
