Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
