From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
