he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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