We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
