and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize