Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
