I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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