remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
