Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize