I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
