In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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