Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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