i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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