I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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