Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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