I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
