Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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