I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
