Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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