does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
