you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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