I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
