I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
