I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
