sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
