he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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