she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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