i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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