You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
