she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
