i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
