I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize