is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
