No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
