my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize