she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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